When you’re in your twenties, lost and don’t really know what do you wanna do in life, you will always feel like everything around you doesn’t feel right. You will feel like everything seemed to be out of place, and everyone around you doesn’t even make you feel better, and that yourself is already too much to handle even if you are alone. You overthink until you are all alone, and your bed feels like it is trying to get you. So you stayed in your sweat pants, didn’t do anything for a minute, then an hour, and then the whole day. Next thing you know you have already spent weeks, months, years overthinking things.
Depression – the feeling of severe despondency and dejection often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep.
Anxiety – a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease typically about imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. A nervous disorder by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension.
Talking about depression or anxiety is not a joke. It is not something to be ignored. It is a disorder. It needs assistance and moral support. It takes more than just a ‘Hey, everything’s gonna be okay.’ Because if you are a person who thinks that you are experiencing it, you’ll be eaten by the darkness inside you, it will consume you, and you will feel like life is not worth it. And yes, it happens. Even to the person that you know who has the brightest smiles.
|Photo by Kira Hokuten of Kira Hokuten Photography|
I am too is suffering from depression and anxiety. I can always mask it out with a smile, but who am I kidding. I can never fool myself. No matter how hard I try to hide it, deep inside I can always feel it. The feeling of emptiness, worthlessness, hopelessness and sadness that consumes you all at once. You feel everything and nothing. You overthink. You overslept. You just stayed stagnant, and being submerged in your own darkness. I am imprisoned by my own thoughts in my own mind. And it feels like there is no one that could save me from drowning.
But guess what? I guess I figured that I can still be saved, that is when I decided to save myself.There will always be days like these, but there will also be those days when I get up and feel happy. And what did I do to get to being myself again? Here’s the things that I do to actually get on my feet again:
1. I get up in my bed, out in my sweatpants. I make myself a hot coffee/chocolate with lots of whipped cream in it. This is the main reason why I get up every morning. I look forward to the smell and taste of hot coffee/chocolate. I don’t know why, but coffee calms me.
2. I get a pen and a paper and write everything that is in my head. Doodle whenever I want to. I list down the things I wanna do and accomplish, and I start doing it one step at a time. Sometimes if I don’t feel like writing on a pen, I have this personal blog. It is like my own personal online journal where I put everything that is in my head. Most especially my thoughts and my problem. This is so I could vent out without actually seeking for anyone’s attention. This is so I wouldn’t be judge by anyone nor have the thoughts of being rejected by anyone.
3. I eat and I travel. The food is what I feed myself. This is to make sure that my brain is equipped with the right and exact amount of nutrients to keep it functioning, while traveling is the food for my soul. I always feel like traveling calms me down. I find some piece of me in every place that I’ve been to. No, I do not leave a piece of me, instead I found myself in every beautiful places I’ve set my foot in.
4. I watch some movies and tv series. One of the reason why I am always depressed is when I overthink the future and the present. I always overthink the point of where I am standing now, and where I’ll be standing in 5/10 years later. The future scares me, and watching the reruns of FRIENDS over and over again makes me realize that I will get through all these hardship, and I will be successful. At least it is one of the reason why I get up every morning, because of the thought that I will be genuinely happy someday.
5. I read a book. If you are not a book lover like me, try start reading some articles that will inspire you. Go to thoughtcatalog. Or just go read something on the internet that may inspire you. Find inspiration within you.
6. I look for something that excites me. I know that this is hard. Because you are in a state wherein you are hungry but couldn’t eat, you are tired but couldn’t sleep, you are sad but couldn’t cry, and you are suicidal but couldn’t die. But honey, like I said, there’s no one that could help you but yourself. You have to pull yourself over and push yourself to do one thing at a time. You get up, you drink coffee, and you try to see what else you can do. I know it is not as easy as it sounded to be, but you will get through it.
7. I try to look for inspiration to inspire other people. Maybe the reason why I’ve been able to be happy again is because of the people who actually ask me for advises, help and support. You don’t know how important it is to me that you ask me for my opinion on things, and that you listen to my advises. It made me feel that I have a reason to live, and that what I am doing is not a waste of time. It just simply made me feel that I am already fulfilling a mission, and that is to be there for someone who have the same thoughts as mine, and how I would help you get out of your dark places.
8.I set my goals one goal at a time. It doesn’t have to be big, it just have to be something that could have me pre-occupied for hours so I would forget to overthink. And instead of putting all of my time and energy overthinking things, I try to see what else I can do and I can achieve.
9. I give. I give not just advises to people, but also a part of me. It doesn’t have to be monetary. I give something whenever I feel like there is someone in need. You don’t know how great the feeling is when your action is being appreciated, and this is why I keep on giving my time, my effort, and whatever it is that I could offer to help someone or anyone in need.
10. I find happiness within myself. I learned the hard way that loving yourself should be the first thing you’ll do before you find love with other people. It took me 21 years to be able to learn how to love myself, and look at me now, broken but a work in progress. And now that I am 22 years old, I already know that I love myself, and that I should do something about my sadness, my anxiety.
Depression is like a war. You either win or die trying.
I am not telling you to stop feeling what you are feeling. You go feel it. You go embrace it. And once you get used to use, use it as a weapon to battle with your own demons. I know it’s hard, but you’ll get through it. I can’t promise you that everything will be okay, but one thing is for sure, if you keep trying to save yourself, you’ll get through it. So promise me one thing, you will never give up on yourself.Because the moment you feel like you have no one to talk to, remember that I am one message away on Facebook, and that I will answer your message the moment I saw it. I’ve been there, and I will be here for you. I promise.